One Bright Sunny Day
by Emper0rH0rde
Summary: Something strange is happening in Finaqua. The King and Queen are dead, but the King was actually napping, and the Queen's ghost appears but is shot dead. Raw is articulate, Zero dances to polka music, and Cain wears a wedding dress. What is going on?


D/c: I don't own the characters of Tin Man (as much as I wish I did), or the Red vs Blue episode on which this is based.

* * *

Glitch and Raw stand before two gravestones in Finaqua. It is a bright and sunny afternoon, the scattered clouds hovering above the lush, green landscape, offsetting the dazzle of the two suns, and sparkling on the surface of a nearby pond like freshly cut diamonds.

"I can't believe they're gone! I'm just so happy!" Glitch sobs as he kneels before the headstones. One reads:

KING AHAMO  
?? - 2008  
_He was pretty good in most of his scenes but was totally weak every time he said 'I have dreamed of this day,' or some crap like that._

The other says:

NAMELESS QUEEN  
?? - 2008  
_She was great at To-Do lists, and sucked bees at How-To-Do lists. We'll miss her like someone we knew but don't want to reflect on how deep our relationship went._

"Oh, why? _Why?_" Raw moans, rocking to and fro with grief, "Why did you have to bury them in their beautiful, shiny, gymnastics leotards?"

Without warning - or explanation - Ahamo appears behind them, looking perplexed.

"What in Samuel Helsinki are you two pansies crying about?" he asks, curious but incredulous.

Glitch and Raw whirl around to face him, their eyes on the verge of popping out of their heads.

"What the--?" Raw begins.

"Ahamo! You're alive? We thought you were dead!" Glitch exclaims, unable to contain his shock.

Ahamo laughs, as if this were the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "Nonsense, zipperhead!" he says, "I was merely napping!"

"But how the heck did you get out of there?" Glitch continues, "I tied you up and poured _concrete_ over the grave! Just in case you turned into a zombie!"

"Yes, but you made one crucial mistake," Ahamo says, amused by Glitch and Raw's astonishment. "You left me my _spoon_!"

A look of stunned horror takes over Glitch's face as realization dawns on him. "NO!"

Ahamo nods dramatically, his eyes alight with glee. "That's right! I _ate_ my way out!" he says, triumphantly. "The soft earth was like a delicious butterscotch brownie to me."

Suddenly the ghost of the Queen appears behind them, reaching out and droning, "Raaaaaaaw! Ambroooose! It's me, the ghost of the Queen! Iiiiii've come back with a waaaaarning!"

BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!

"Hurkghh, blehh!" The Queen's ghost falls to the ground, apparently dead.

Looking in the direction of the blams, Glitch and Ahamo see Raw lowering a smoking revolver.

Glitch's eyes grow as wide as saucers, as his expression goes from flabbergasted to downright bewildered. "What the--? Raw! You just killed the Queen's ghost!" he yells, flailing his arms.

"Wrong! That wasn't the Queen," says Raw, "it was Zero in disguise!"

Zero appears, dressed in a Spider-Man speedo and bright green snorkeling gear, drinking one of those drinks with the little umbrellas. "That's right, it's me. Zero!" he chortles. Then, as suddenly as he appeared, his entire demeanor darkens. "And I would have gotten away with it, too," he growls, "if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"

"Everyone, I have something to say!" a very silly-sounding voice calls. Everyone turns to see Cain wearing a strapless wedding dress, complete with a rose bouquet and streaming veil. And, on top of all that, as if it couldn't get any weirder, he's grinning like a lovesick baboon. "DG and I are in love… and we're leaving!"

DG - dressed in a James Bond style tuxedo, complete with a bow tie and lapel flower - steps forward with an air of mischievous triumph. "Yeah! We're getting married and there's nothing any of you can do about it!" she says, exultantly. "Not even you, Toto!"

The small dog transforms into a short, stout black man with graying hair. He falls to his knees, hands clasped dramatically, eyes beseeching.

"But DG! You promised your love to me!" he insists with all the emotion of a soap opera. "Come back to me, dearest!"

All of a sudden - and for no reason - Glitch, Raw, Ahamo, Zero, Cain, and DG throw their heads back and start yelling wordlessly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Tutor returns to dog form and barks. Everyone ignores him, and continues howling.

"Goodness gracious me!" Tutor exclaims in a high-pitched dog voice, "This is madness!"

And then Zero - for no reason whatsoever, and completely out-of-the-blue - starts dancing very badly - to silly polka music with a pink-striped hula hoop.

* * *

"GAAAH!" DG's eyes snapped open, the moment she fell from her bed and hit her head on the floor. She uttered muffled, inarticulate noises as she thrashed about, trying to untangle herself from her ample bedding.

"DG? Are you all right?" came the slightly alarmed voice of Azkadelia.

DG finally managed to sit up, and she looked around. It was morning, and a robe-clad Azkadelia was seated at a vanity at the end of their room, brushing her thick shoulder-length hair.

"Oh, thank goodness!" DG sighed with almost uncontainable relief.

It had all been a crazy, crazy dream, thank the stars. Cain wasn't her betrothed, perish the thought. Although, after seeing him in a wedding dress, dream or no, she was going to have difficulty looking at him without cracking up for the next couple of days.

"It was all a dream! All a dream… All a _dreameemeemeemee_…"

Azkadelia laughed. "What was a dream?" she asked playfully.

"Trust me, Az, you don't want to know," replied DG as she got up off the floor and proceeded to remake her bed. "By the way, no more grog for me. Ever."


End file.
